In love with the hills….

The nonpareil beauty smiles at me.         Like a knowing mother.
Because beauty never screams.                     It smiles, then whispers.

The star spangled sky, in all its sheerness  looks at me with those starry eyes.

The moon dazzles in the lapping waters like an angel revelling in her endless ethereal beauty.

Morning, like a gust of fresh air caresses me.

Evening, airy, jovial, but heavy, is like a friend saying goodbye, vowing to return soon.

Those immutable, immovable, timeless, ageless sentinels stand silent, unblemished, unperturbed- mountains.

Along with them stand their gnarled brothers under the foliage, a green curtain.- Trees.

The sweetness in the unaddled air is almost intoxicating, addictive.

The sun jives with me.

And shines. Then dazzles. Then glistens. Then goes back beneath the shoulders of his friends. To make someone else’s day.

Clouds are like fleeting halos around their gods. Those towering leviathans.

And we still don’t see it. And we still don’t get it.

The sound of silence is absolute, like still water, and a distant random sound, like a small pebble upsets the tandem.

Simple lessons of life.

The birds do what they do.                       Chirp and caw and coo.
The insects make their own sounds too.

And this cacophony is like a latent euphony, waiting for the willing ears.

What makes me happier is that all this is not a fantasy, but reality. But then what else would fantasy be? If not this.

Realism screams at me, that it’s all so obvious, trifling, trivial, not a miracle.
Reality pulls a face, and asks me, “is it so?”

Let it go.

Let it go.

Leave it be.

It won’t be easy, no.

It won’t be breezy, no.

It would wrench your heart.

It would rack your gut.

To let go of these moments.

These precious little pockets of time.

Now nothing will rhyme.

As beauty rhymed with a smile.

As happiness rhymed with laughter.

And time careened, faster.

And faster will the memories fade away.

Like how water evaporates in the summer.

Yeah. That’s a bummer.

That the only constant in this world is change.

Rest are all fickle, fibbing fiddles.

Variables, mere syllables.

But some of these people, emotions, moments delve so deep.

You have to carve your heart out to make them leave.

And it’s dejecting, to play villain.

But time makes you do so.

But life commands you so.

And so you spend your days, loving, accepting, shunning.

Everything and everyone, like a treacherous snake.

And then out of the blue.

Those vestiges come back to haunt you.

And you cry, and you smile.

And you squirm in agony, and you leap with joy.

They lift us, but they rankle so deep.

As we imagine what might have been.

Because as they say, we can have what we want,  but we can’t keep.

Death…

She stares. She dares,                                     to come closer.

She gets bolder, she inches closer, as you get older, by the day. To your dismay.

She lurks around the bend.                             As you spend, yourself, in moments, in memories, in the pleasant reveries.

She lurks, and she snails your way, she hides, she likes to play.

And then she appears, out of nowhere.      When you’re on your way to somewhere.  A behemoth truck teeters astray. A stray dog comes in your way.

You never know, she is a sudden blow.      Smacks you when you are high, racks you when you’re low.

The pain it causes, the dread it breeds, there’s a finality in it. Like it’s the only reality, innit?

It ensnares some of us early, very early. And gorges on some so dearly.

To some of us it comes late.                           The vicissitudes of fate.

And we wait, alone, stooped in our mansions, slouched on a chair.                     Still cursing, “Life’s so unfair!”

It’s all just a game for her, a silent play.   And we are but puppets, ‘pray and obey’.

Life, in all its entirety seems a delusion.   Collusion of the creator, right from the beginning. Right from the very first breath.

The only permanence is the blackness, of the truth, which was always death.

Hand in hand…

The sky was dark. It was cold.

The night was young. And I was bold.

So I held her hand. Her tender, warm hand.

I felt myself quiver. Was it fear, or was it the cold that made me shiver?

But then I felt the grip. A firm, gentle grip. Of her hand, in my hand.

And everything felt fine, again.

And I smiled. She did too, I guess.

We just walked. And none of us bothered to talk.

Live in the moment they say. And we lived, we felt, we stayed, we swayed, in that moment.

We found a bench, wooden, rickety. And just sat there, gazing into eternity.

Seconds, minutes, hours went by. And the end drew nigh.

The night began to lighten. The day began to brighten.

I suddenly felt lonely, and sad. And a moment earlier I had been so peaceful and glad.

Time to go, she whispered, like a wisp, she vanished.

And suddenly I felt empty, cold. Its been years, my mind told, my heart.

She is no more. That she was never more, than a ghost tonight. Who vanished before the first light.

That she was an illusion. Her presence, a mere delusion, of an ailing heart, and a lost soul. My soul.

I looked at my hand, it still felt warm. As if she was leaning against my arm, her hand gripping mine.

And everything felt fine, again.

A false reverie, a true nightmare…

“So.. You come here often?” She asked. Swirling the straw in the empty glass.
“No not often. But yeah. I have come here a couple of times. Nice place. Peaceful.” He said. Fixated on the beautiful face in front of him.
She smiled and blinked. And curled her jet black hair behind her ear. Her lips, smeared with red lipstick curved into a simple smile.
“So…” She said at last. Her large eyes, a tint of brown, blinked and then shied away.  He smiled, lost into her dreamy dusky face.
Words had dried. They had nothing to talk about, but a myriad to say.
“Want to eat something ??” He asked.

“No. I am full.”

“Want to go some place else?” She asked.

“Do you?”

“No. I kind of like it here.” She leaned  back, inhaling the ambience.

“Me too.” He smiled.
This was their first date. But it felt like they had known each other a lifetime ago.
“Thank you for meeting me. It means a lot.” He said.

“To be honest. You rescued me.” She said. “It’s been so long I went out like this.”
His face suddenly grew solemn, with a spasm of an inexplicable regret. She noticed that subtle moment. But remained silent. For a while they both remained still, lost in their own little world.
Finally she spoke. “You never came. You… You just left.” She choked.

Silence.

“I wanted to. But I couldn’t. You know that.” He intoned, containing himself.

Silence.

Tears welled up in her eyes. His eyes stared the wall hopelessly.
“She would have been eight today.” She said.

“I know.” He nodded. Still staring at the wall. Unable to look at the woman he once held in his arms.
“She would have pestered me to listen to her poems.” She said.

He smiled faintly.

“And she would have grown up to be so pretty. My baby.” She whimpered.

“The most beautiful thing in the world.” He said, tethering his surge of pain.
A silent tear trickled from the corner of her eye. He was crying like a child inside.
“I am sorry.” He said. “I left. I just couldn’t take it. I’m sorry. It hurt so much.”

Silence.

“Is it better now?” She said. Nearly a whisper.

“No. It hurts just as bad.”

“It’s been two years.”

“It’s been a lifetime.”

Silence.
“What do you want?” She said, with a sudden finality.

“Forgiveness. And us.” He said. As if ready  for this question.

“Us?” She said. Mildly sardonic. But unintended.

Silence.
” I love you.” He said earnestly and simply.

The phrase seemed so strange. To both of them.

Silence….

 

“I will always love you.” She said. Wiping her tears away.

Silence…

“What do YOU want?” He was restless. His emotions were overpowering him.

“To go back in time and live in our memories, those beautiful memories, again and again and again.”

 

Silence…
A man trying to rekindle the fire from the ashes.

A woman living in the past, crying whenever she woke up.
United in their pain.

Divided in their ways of dealing with it.

United in their hopelessness, and love.